Jesus Wept

Denying the pain

    In my last post I mentioned examples from the Old Testament showing that there were times when it was good and right and healthy for men of God to express their deepest pain and grief. But now we’re living in New Testament times. Now we have the Holy Spirit within. Surely now we should be so overpowered by His presence that we won’t ever feel anything except His love and joy and hope and peace. Surely no one in the New Testament ever grieved or groaned.

    This is a common evangelically-correct attitude. If any Christian feels any emotional pain, something’s wrong and you’d better get it straightened out with God. You mustn’t let it show. And so we don’t show it, and the destructive silence goes on. The Babylon Bee, a Christian satire website, ran a parody of this situation in an article titled, “Report: Every Single Person At Church Doing ‘Fine’.”

    Please don’t misunderstand me as saying that Christians have no more hope or joy or peace than the world around us. I would have been dead by suicide years ago if we didn’t have the blessing of the fruit of the Spirit.

Paul's example

    The problem is that evangelically-correct Christians tend to deny that life hurts sometimes and that it’s okay to admit it. It’s not just okay; it’s biblical. But is it New Testament biblical? Did those who had the Holy Spirit within ever reveal feelings of emotional distress? Yes. Paul writes, “I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart” (Romans 9:2). And “When we came into Macedonia, this body of ours had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn—conflicts on the outside, fears within” (2 Corinthians 7:5).

    He also expresses great joy and peace in his letters. Somehow the two can exist together, as in 2 Corinthians 4:8, “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” The Bible never denies the pain of this life. But that’s not the end of the story.

    (I love the idea that Paul, the author of a large part of the New Testament, could describe himself as perplexed. Paul, the great theologian, could be perplexed! When I read this, I don’t feel nearly as bad about the many times when I grapple with my own perplexity over what God is doing in my life and in this hurting world.)

Jesus' example

    And then there’s Jesus. Surely if anyone was ever perfect in his experience and expression of human emotions, it was Jesus. After the death of His good friend Lazarus, “Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, ‘See how he loved him!’” (John 11:35-36). In case there was any doubt about the cause of His weeping, God’s Word makes it clear—Jesus wept because He loved Lazarus and now Lazarus is gone. The people who were there could see that it was His heartbreak that led to His tears.

    At Gethsemane shortly before His crucifixion, Jesus was “sorrowful and troubled” (Matthew 26:37), “deeply distressed and troubled” (Mark 14:33), “in anguish” (Luke 22:44). “His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground” (Luke 22:44). He was in so much turmoil that “an angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him” (Luke 22:43). He told His disciples, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Matthew 26:38, Mark 14:34).

    Jesus could have hidden all this from them; they were asleep most of the time that He was wrestling with His future. Maybe He revealed it because He wanted us to know that the Son of God could experience deep emotional pain and still be without sin. Surely He understands my need to express my hurts.

Modern examples

    And yet here’s what I’ve heard from other believers, all of them leaders in different churches:

    “Pray for my daughter who’s on a short-term mission trip in a Muslim-majority country. I know it’s dangerous and she could be killed for her faith, but I can deal with that.” Making it clear from his manner that he has no clue regarding the intense sorrow of losing a child.

    “Your loved one is in heaven now. There’s no need to grieve.” No need to weep as Jesus wept.

    “My wife just died after fifty years of marriage. But I know God has someone else for me.” Looking around within weeks of his loss. Married again within a year or two. If he hasn’t faced his grief, how will that affect his second marriage?

New Testament grieving

    What does the New Testament say? Never grieve at all? Pretend it doesn’t hurt? If you’re feeling any sense of loss, it means you aren’t trusting God? No.
 
    “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). Mourning is a direct result of loving, and loving is the hallmark of a Christian (John 13:35). God reaches out to those who mourn with His comfort. When we deny our need to grieve, we forfeit this blessing from God.

    “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). Do we as believers take this teaching seriously enough? Do we allow our hurting brothers and sisters to mourn? Do we join them in their grief? Jesus does.

    The evangelically correct will cite 1 Thessalonians 4:13 to support the idea that we shouldn’t mourn at all: “Brothers, we do not want you . . . to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope.” But Paul is simply distinguishing between the grief of a Christian (which he encourages in Romans 12:15) and that of everyone else. He’s reminding his readers that, even in the death of a believer, there is hope. We mourn for the loss of the relationship with a brother or sister in Christ. It hurts to be separated from them. But that separation is temporary.We have a hope that “the rest of men” don’t share.
   

With Broken Heart and Bitter Grief

A reason to groan

    I’ve been reading through Ezekiel lately. It’s a tough book. Full of fire and brimstone. Little hope. Little cheer. Best to digest it in small chunks to keep it from being too depressing.

    Chapter 21. God’s word comes to Ezekiel, declaring disaster for Jerusalem. Judgment is coming. The sword of the Lord will cut off both the righteous and the wicked (verse 3). It will be brutal. Many will suffer. And it will be perfectly just. So shouldn’t Ezekiel simply accept it? Shouldn’t he respond with, “Your will be done. Blessed be the name of the Lord”?

    The evangelically correct would declare that Ezekiel should keep a stiff upper lip and accept God’s pronouncement as fully deserved. But what does God say? “Therefore groan, son of man! Groan before them with broken heart and bitter grief” (Ezekiel 21:6). No stoic acceptance of the tragedy to come.

    I love this God who can take the necessary and right steps to correct and punish His people and yet feel the pain of their suffering. Like a loving Father. I was reading Jeremiah, the weeping prophet, a few weeks ago. God chose him to convey His message of judgment. In the book of Lamentations, Jeremiah expresses his deep pain and anguish over God’s actions. I’m not sure that the evangelically correct would choose such a man. They’d want someone who would relate to God’s righteous will, rather than to the people’s suffering.

Compassion for sinners

   Kind of like the attitude of many American Christians today toward those in our culture who choose to defy God in their lifestyles. Homosexuals, transgendered, drug addicts. Let them suffer. They deserve it. Have no compassion. Bring on the judgment.

    The people in Jeremiah’s day were blatantly rebelling against God, too. God declared His judgment. Jeremiah wept. Maybe God chose Jeremiah because he best expressed His heart. Maybe God Himself was feeling that same deep pain and anguish even for those who defiled His name. Maybe we as Christians need to give up our desire for judgment, and groan with broken heart and bitter grief for those who are suffering even as they reject God’s teaching.

Job's example

    I struggle in church when we sing, “Blessed be Your Name” with smiling faces. “You give and take away. . . . Blessed be Your name.” It’s not the words, which are scriptural, that bother me. It’s the evangelically-correct attitude. Smile as if there’s no pain in the taking away. Smile as if God doesn’t expect me to feel any sense of loss. Smile in denial of the broken heart and bitter grief. No groaning allowed.

    Where do these words come from? Job 1:21. Job has just lost everything at once, including his seven children. Do you think he was smiling and carefree as he uttered them? Far from it. He “rent his robe, and shaved his head, and fell upon the ground” (v. 20, RSV). He was hurting deeply and expressing it freely, even as he worshipped God (same verse). In case there’s any doubt about his emotional state, he spends chapter 3 cursing the day he was born and asking why we have to suffer. He ends it by saying, “I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil” (3:26).

    Is this the proper attitude of a follower of the God of the Bible? What does God say? At the beginning of the book He describes Job as His servant, blameless and upright (1:8). In the end He tells Job’s friends, “My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly. You have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has” (42:8).

    Of course we shouldn’t remain stuck in our brokenness and grief. At some point we’ll need to move on, to accept God’s comfort and healing, to experience His grace in seeing us through and bringing a smile back to our faces, to comfort others as He has comforted us (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). But first, when the pain is raw, when it would be dishonest to pretend otherwise, we need to follow God’s instructions to Ezekiel and groan with broken heart and bitter grief.

I Am Suffering

Recognizing suffering

    We were sitting in a room at the church—a classroom by day, a meeting room for our Anxiety and Depression Support Group on Wednesday nights. As the leader, I started off with a few welcoming remarks, checked in with each member to see how their week had gone, then introduced the next topic for discussion. When I used the phrase “people suffering from anxiety and depression,” rather than “anxious and depressed people,” I saw a sudden light go on in Gloria’s eyes. She couldn’t hold it back.

    “I am suffering. I am suffering from depression.”

    Her condition had gone on long enough and was serious enough for her to be seeking help in my group. But in all that time no one around her—not her family, not her friends, not her church—had recognized the obvious: she was suffering. She was hurting. She was living every day with the deep pain that clinical depression brings. And yet she had not been permitted or encouraged to see herself in that light. Others would describe her as being self-pitying, lazy, disobedient, out of touch with God.

Recognizing depression

    What is clinical depression? Many among the evangelically correct would say that it’s a character defect or a spiritual disorder. If you just get right with God, if you confess your sins, if you spend more time in Bible study and prayer, if you obey God’s Word, if you develop the fruit of the Spirit, you’ll never be depressed. You will live every day in the joy of the Spirit. Despite your circumstances, nothing will get you down.

    At one time, I’d agreed with that point of view. When I became a Christian, I thought all I was doing was getting a ticket to heaven. Life would go on pretty much as it had up to that point. I’d go to school, hang out with friends, learn to drive, go off to college, and basically live a typical American life, with the added bonus that when I died someday, I’d get to go to heaven.

    I had a lot to learn about this thing called the Holy Spirit. About how He’d come to live in me and start changing everything from the inside out. First the desire to read the Bible. Then a new interest in going to church.

    The biggest difference, though, was the joy and peace within. It wasn’t perfect, and it certainly wasn’t there one hundred percent of the time. But I found that I had a new ability to cope a little better with the stresses and challenges of teenage life without the usual teenage overreactions. I was happier than I’d ever been before.

    Looking back a few years later, I realized that this was all God’s doing. It was a natural result of having the Holy Spirit inside me. Wasn’t it only logical to assume that every believer would have the same experience? How could any Christian ever get depressed?
 
    Then my own depression hit. One result was a deeper understanding of the biology of our moods and emotions. So what is clinical depression? It’s a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be triggered by genetic predisposition, childhood trauma, stress, drug or alcohol abuse, loss, medical conditions including hormone changes and side effects of medications, and/or spiritual factors.

    Regardless of the trigger, once the brain chemistry changes, many of us require specialized treatment for the biological condition in order to return to normal functioning. As with any medical condition, God often says no to prayers for supernatural healing, like He did with Paul, the author of much of the New Testament. God’s power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:7-9).

    And once the brain chemistry changes, it releases a cascade of physical and emotional symptoms involving painful suffering. Hopelessness. A mood that drops several times lower than what a normal brain is capable of experiencing. (See pages 25 to 27 of Why Do Christians Shoot Their Wounded? by Dr. Dwight L. Carlson.) Guilt. Unrealistic expectations. Fatigue. Difficulty concentrating. Despair. Suicidal thoughts. Loneliness. Negative thinking. Anxiety. Loss of the capacity to sense God’s presence and love. Helplessness. Apathy. Even the ability to move at a normal pace can be hindered.

Accepting the treatment

    The suffering is real. Spiritual practices can help a person to cope better, as they did for me. If the symptoms are mild enough, they might even pull the patient out of it. But in a more serious case, often some kind of medical treatment for this medical problem becomes necessary. Many evangelically-correct Christians refuse to accept this fact. Many evangelically-correct Christians refuse to describe Gloria as actually suffering.

    The situation is slowly changing, though. More and more evangelicals are speaking out about the realities of depression and suicide in the Christian family. But in those circles where the old evangelical correctness prevails, the suffering continues unrecognized, unacknowledged, and untreated.

11/13/18 - I recently discovered this webpage with a more biblical view of anxiety and depression.