Jesus Wept

Denying the pain

    In my last post I mentioned examples from the Old Testament showing that there were times when it was good and right and healthy for men of God to express their deepest pain and grief. But now we’re living in New Testament times. Now we have the Holy Spirit within. Surely now we should be so overpowered by His presence that we won’t ever feel anything except His love and joy and hope and peace. Surely no one in the New Testament ever grieved or groaned.

    This is a common evangelically-correct attitude. If any Christian feels any emotional pain, something’s wrong and you’d better get it straightened out with God. You mustn’t let it show. And so we don’t show it, and the destructive silence goes on. The Babylon Bee, a Christian satire website, ran a parody of this situation in an article titled, “Report: Every Single Person At Church Doing ‘Fine’.”

    Please don’t misunderstand me as saying that Christians have no more hope or joy or peace than the world around us. I would have been dead by suicide years ago if we didn’t have the blessing of the fruit of the Spirit.

Paul's example

    The problem is that evangelically-correct Christians tend to deny that life hurts sometimes and that it’s okay to admit it. It’s not just okay; it’s biblical. But is it New Testament biblical? Did those who had the Holy Spirit within ever reveal feelings of emotional distress? Yes. Paul writes, “I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart” (Romans 9:2). And “When we came into Macedonia, this body of ours had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn—conflicts on the outside, fears within” (2 Corinthians 7:5).

    He also expresses great joy and peace in his letters. Somehow the two can exist together, as in 2 Corinthians 4:8, “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” The Bible never denies the pain of this life. But that’s not the end of the story.

    (I love the idea that Paul, the author of a large part of the New Testament, could describe himself as perplexed. Paul, the great theologian, could be perplexed! When I read this, I don’t feel nearly as bad about the many times when I grapple with my own perplexity over what God is doing in my life and in this hurting world.)

Jesus' example

    And then there’s Jesus. Surely if anyone was ever perfect in his experience and expression of human emotions, it was Jesus. After the death of His good friend Lazarus, “Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, ‘See how he loved him!’” (John 11:35-36). In case there was any doubt about the cause of His weeping, God’s Word makes it clear—Jesus wept because He loved Lazarus and now Lazarus is gone. The people who were there could see that it was His heartbreak that led to His tears.

    At Gethsemane shortly before His crucifixion, Jesus was “sorrowful and troubled” (Matthew 26:37), “deeply distressed and troubled” (Mark 14:33), “in anguish” (Luke 22:44). “His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground” (Luke 22:44). He was in so much turmoil that “an angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him” (Luke 22:43). He told His disciples, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Matthew 26:38, Mark 14:34).

    Jesus could have hidden all this from them; they were asleep most of the time that He was wrestling with His future. Maybe He revealed it because He wanted us to know that the Son of God could experience deep emotional pain and still be without sin. Surely He understands my need to express my hurts.

Modern examples

    And yet here’s what I’ve heard from other believers, all of them leaders in different churches:

    “Pray for my daughter who’s on a short-term mission trip in a Muslim-majority country. I know it’s dangerous and she could be killed for her faith, but I can deal with that.” Making it clear from his manner that he has no clue regarding the intense sorrow of losing a child.

    “Your loved one is in heaven now. There’s no need to grieve.” No need to weep as Jesus wept.

    “My wife just died after fifty years of marriage. But I know God has someone else for me.” Looking around within weeks of his loss. Married again within a year or two. If he hasn’t faced his grief, how will that affect his second marriage?

New Testament grieving

    What does the New Testament say? Never grieve at all? Pretend it doesn’t hurt? If you’re feeling any sense of loss, it means you aren’t trusting God? No.
 
    “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). Mourning is a direct result of loving, and loving is the hallmark of a Christian (John 13:35). God reaches out to those who mourn with His comfort. When we deny our need to grieve, we forfeit this blessing from God.

    “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). Do we as believers take this teaching seriously enough? Do we allow our hurting brothers and sisters to mourn? Do we join them in their grief? Jesus does.

    The evangelically correct will cite 1 Thessalonians 4:13 to support the idea that we shouldn’t mourn at all: “Brothers, we do not want you . . . to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope.” But Paul is simply distinguishing between the grief of a Christian (which he encourages in Romans 12:15) and that of everyone else. He’s reminding his readers that, even in the death of a believer, there is hope. We mourn for the loss of the relationship with a brother or sister in Christ. It hurts to be separated from them. But that separation is temporary.We have a hope that “the rest of men” don’t share.