Thinking of Others

Thinking evil

“In your hearts do not think evil of each other” (Zechariah 7:10).

But it’s so easy to do that!

There was this friend (Frank) of a friend of mine. My friend, who’d known Frank for several years, approached me at one time to ask if Frank could stay in my guest room temporarily.

In his late thirties, Frank was the victim of an unjust lawsuit. Most of his income went to his lawyer. But he was a hard worker and a good guy. He could no longer afford to rent an apartment and was planning on living in his car until things turned around again. I said okay.

It wasn’t just the lawsuit, though. It was the middle of the COVID pandemic. Frank’s income had dropped even lower because he couldn’t work as many hours as he had in the past.

And then one day Frank came home in a much nicer car. I was stunned. Angry. Hurt. Had the lawsuit been settled in his favor? Was he keeping that from me in order to take advantage of my hospitality? Was he simply using me?

I didn’t know how to approach the subject with him. He worked so many hours, I didn’t see him often. Even though he was living in my house, we hardly knew each other. Should I say something to him? Should I ask my friend what was going on?

I prayed, and did nothing. I didn’t want to make a false accusation.

And I was glad that I’d waited. Later, I overheard him talking on his phone in his room. He was explaining to an advisor that he’d accidentally missed a few payments on his car. It was supposed to be on autopay, but something went wrong. It had been towed away to be repossessed. He was borrowing one from a friend just to get to and from work.

He was polite and attentive during the phone call. No anger. No whining. He repeated the steps he needed to take to get it back. He was taking responsibility. Doing the right thing. Demonstrating that my friend’s evaluation of him was accurate.

Soon his car was in my driveway again. I never said a word.

I thought I was pretty good at not thinking evil of others, as Zechariah advises. A year or two ago a family member who’s not a Christian commented on my tendency to think the best of others, which he obviously didn’t agree with. I hope I was able to draw him a little nearer to God and to salvation in my response.

But there I was, assuming the worst about Frank. And it was all a lie.

The full verse in Zechariah says, “Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the alien or the poor. In your hearts do not think evil of each other.” I’ve never tied those two ideas together before. But now I realize that thinking evil of Frank was a form of oppressing the poor.

How often do we do that? Most of us don’t actively oppress the widow or fatherless or alien or poor. But what about our hearts?

Do we think evil in our hearts of those who are struggling? Do we judge them for the bad decisions that they’ve made? For their appearance? For their dependence on government assistance? For their inability or unwillingness to hold down a job?

We might vigorously deny that we oppress them in any way, but Zechariah and Jesus both make it clear that the thoughts of our hearts are just as important as the words that come out of our mouths or the actions that we take.

Thinking the best of others

In the case of Frank, I was clearly wrong. Should I always try to think the best of others, though? Is that naivety? Am I setting myself up to be used and hurt?

Years ago I knew a couple who took in a man who had shown up at their church asking for a place to stay. He said he was a Christian who was in town to look for a job. They invited him into their home. All seemed to go well. He lived with them for a couple of weeks and then left.

A few days later, the police knocked on their door, asking about their recent guest. He’d been arrested for armed robbery. He was later convicted, having used a knife from my friends’ kitchen in attacking his victim. He’d done the same thing in other cities.

God protected my friends while they were unknowingly harboring a dangerous criminal.

But it doesn’t always work that way. Other Christians have been killed by those they trustingly tried to help. “Everywhere the kindest people go, the most calculating ones follow” (from WORLD magazine Opinions). How do I reconcile this with the verse from Zechariah?

In Matthew 10:16, Jesus says, “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.” I’ve always been drawn to the second half of that verse.

In your innocence, think the best of others. But be prepared. There are wolves out there. In your shrewdness, keep your eyes open. Expect some people to try to take advantage of you. Watch for signs that they can’t be trusted. But don’t jump to the conclusion that everyone you see is a wolf, intent on devouring you.

First Corinthians 13:7 says that love always trusts, always hopes. If we love someone, we’ll trust them and hope for the best for them. And we’re supposed to love everyone. But if we do that, won’t we just get hurt?

Yes, we’ll get hurt. Guaranteed. God doesn’t put us in this world and save us so that we can be safe. As Jesus continues teaching His disciples in Matthew 10, He tells them they’ll be flogged, arrested, betrayed, and hated. Hurt.

Yet love always trusts and always hopes. Why and how can we do that?

We can do it because the Lord loved us when we were untrustworthy and hopeless. We can do it because the Holy Spirit within us enables us.

We can do it because it works. I’m not going to cite any specific studies here, but over many years, I’ve learned from many sources that the way we treat others has the power to change them.

If I treat someone as if I trust her, she’ll become more trustworthy. If I treat someone with respect, she’ll become more respectable. If I treat a student as if she could learn the material, she’ll be more likely to learn it. If I believe the best about someone, and treat her in ways that reflect that belief, I’ll be a factor in bringing out the best in her.

(This is a general principle. In the case of someone like the armed robber, his heart had become so hard, it probably didn’t matter how anyone else treated him. But most of the people we know haven’t yet reached that stage. We can still have a positive impact.)

We all want other people to change. They’re never quite good enough for us. No matter how much we love someone, there’s always something about him that irritates us.

I addressed this issue many years ago in a support group that I was leading. And I gave them the key to changing others. There’s a catch, though. She won’t necessarily change in the ways you think she should. But it will bring out the best in her.

The best way to change another person is to love him just the way he is.

God loves us just the way we are. He doesn’t tell us we have to change before He’ll love us. He doesn’t stop loving us when we turn against Him.

That love has the power to change us for the better. If we follow His example, we can have an impact for good on the people around us.

And when we treat them as if we trust them and have high hopes for them, we’ll change, too. We’ll be less likely to think evil of each other in our hearts.